I fucked up because I had the illusion of separation. As a kid I hated having to behave in a certain way just because "adults" said so. As a result, all I wanted during my 14 years of academic education was to be independent. I wanted to be free from external influences. That's why I created my own reality capsules: I defined the world like I wanted to see it and behaved accordingly. Nobody was going to influence how I behave unless I agree to it.... turns out I was dead wrong: reality capsules are not sealed containers.