My two months in Costa Rica were a period of experimentation and inner reflection. Every week when I spoke to Noam we explored both aspects of the job per say, and aspects related to my coaching.
My coaching was heavily related to the questions:
‘What do I want?’
‘What am I afraid of?’
I found thousands of answers as I went deeper into these two questions. From ‘I want to help people.’ to ‘I want to travel.’ to ‘I want to be a coach.’ and so forth. To aid my inner search, Noam gave me time for inspiration: to watch inspiring videos, to research interesting people and read various materials. I gained a lot of different views about what work is. As Noam said:
‘If I watch a beautiful video on youtube, and that inspires an article for the blog, is that work or pleasure? If I go out, meet someone, who then becomes a potential client, is that work or pleasure?’
Across the job I was at many times anxious about whether I’m living up to the requirements of the job. I found it all really challenging, and as this was my first job, also stressful. I had about a breakdown a week trying to figure out both my inner desires and fears, as well as meet the job’s requirements. I was never quite sure if I was working enough, or making things of the right quality. When discussing this with Noam, he told me
‘This time right now is for you to find out what you want and what you’re willing to fight for. This time is for you to create your commitment, because nobody can give you that.’
That phrase stuck to me even now: Nobody can give you your commitment.
Looking back at that time, I have three things to say:
1. It is often that the things people want aren’t very complicated and actually quite obvious. But the process of searching for them is a very interesting one, because it is a fight, and in that fight you see if you’re willing to take some pain for what you want.
2. Facing fears is a crucial aspect of going forward. Speaking them releases their tension and acting despite them helps lessen them bit by bit. But do not be stuck in the journey of facing fears. Fear will always be there, it is a part of you.
3. Commitment to doing your best in one thing is often more than committing just to that. But rather, you may find, that commitment spreads over all the aspects of your life.
If you want to look at what you fear, look at your actions. The answer to: ‘What do I fear?’ is the things you avoid doing.
Don’t let your thoughts be caught in anything else, they are usually just distrations, or excuses. Look at your actions.